Show Plan - Show aired in September 2006

Welcome back to what we like to call Season 2 of the Hassan & Habibah Show. Jazakamullah khair for your continuing support over the last few weeks while we've been away with your emails. Remember, you can still email us at handhshow@islamchannel.tv.

Todays show is on Intimacy in Islam, this will involve discussing bedroom relations. Please be warned that we will be discussing various matters relating to this topic some of which will obviously be of an adult nature, using language and terminology which you may find inappropriate for any children watching.

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Also please keep in mind we will only be speaking about halal relationships, therefore everything is related to marriage, i.e between a husband and wife. To help us discuss this topic we welcome....................

GUEST FROM RELATE (Non-Muslim)

Dr Jameel Rahmaan, Representative from Hizb ut-Tahrir

and on the phone RUQAYYAH WARIS MAQSOOD THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK “THE MUSLIM MARRIAGE GUIDE”

Questions:

1. What is your perception of how muslim's view intimacy between husband and wife.

a) Is the whole topic a taboo

b) a necessary evil similar to the concepts of the “sins of the flesh” and something you are not supposed to enjoy, i.e. only to have children

c) something of the duniya and not related to the akhira.

d) unholy

e) austere

1. Where have these perceptions come from?

a) monoasticism

b) ascetism (not sufism)

c) separation of the spiritual material world

1. Are there parallells with other religions eg catholicism, monasticism, secularism.
2. Do many muslims especially Imaams, leaders etc contribute to this perception of imtimacy in Islam?
3. Do you think this partly because people see a separation between deen and dunya, and therefore you have to choose between one or the other (because they are mutually exclusive)
4. We’ve heard dawah carriers promoting this idea of separation between deen and dunya, how would you advise them to do otherwise?
5. Do you think the idea of secularism, encouraged this ‘separation of the “dunya”’ mentality further.
6. What common notions are there amongst muslims

e.g. not allowed to be naked together

e.g. not allowed to look at each others bodies

e.g. to get it over and done with quickly regardless of whether the woman is fulfilled or not

e.g. no loving contact with a woman when she is menstruating because she is “dirty” v.s ghayr muttwadhiyah?

Definitions: 

Monasticism (from Greek: monachos—a solitary person) is the religious practice of renouncing all “worldly” pursuits in order to fully devote one's life to spiritual work. Primarily eastern Indian and Chinese religions and Catholic

.
Asceticism denotes a life which is characterised by refraining from worldly pleasures (austerity). Those who practice ascetic lifestyles often perceive their practices as virtuous and pursue them to achieve greater spirituality. Primarily eastern Indian and Chinese religions and Catholic.

 What does Islam say?

●         Islam does not frown or class as unholy any natural instinct or desire (fitrah), rather it comes to organise and satisfy it, via the Shariah.

●         Wedding night

●         Foreplay

●         Satisfaction of a woman

●         Reward

●         Not shameful

●         Education of the youth

●         Marriage as a solution

●         Despite openness, not allowed to publicise what goes on in the bedroom between husband and wife (ex advise).

Islam does not frown or class as unholy any natural instinct or desire, rather it recognises natural desire, and came to organise and satisfy it, via the Shariah.

Abu-Dawud  narrates that Abdullah Ibn Abbas (ra) commented on  the Qur'anic verse, "So approach your wives however you like" (surat al-baqarah: 223). That the clan of the Ansaar before Islam, lived in the company of the Jewish tribes. The Ansaar used to accept their superiority in knowledge and copied most of their actions. The Jewish tribes used to have intercourse with their women on one side alone (i.e. on their backs only). They considered this the most modest and concealing position for (the private parts of) the woman. So the Ansar copied this practice from them too. However the tribe of Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, seeking pleasure with them from every angle including laying them on their backs. When the Quraysh came to Medina as immigrants, a Qurayshi man married a woman of the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of actions with her (i.e. approach her from various angles), but she disliked it, and said to him: “We are approached only on one side (i.e. lying on the back); so do it that way, otherwise keep away from me”. The matter of theirs spread widely and it reached the Prophet (S). So in response to this incident Allah (SWT) sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a tilth to you, so approach your wives however you like - surat al-baqarah: 223" i..e.from any position. (Abu-Dawud) 

According to Abu Sa'd, the Prophet (SAW) once rebuked the wife of Sarwan ibn al-Mu'attal for being over-zealous to the detriment of her marriage. She used to read long suras during her night prayer, keeping her husband waiting, and she fasted frequently without his permission, which made her tired and prevented any opportunity for enjoying sexual relations during the day. The Prophet recommended that she limit her recitation to one surah and only fasted with her husbands permission so that they could enjoy each other. Similarly, when the Prophet heard that a zealous Companion, Abdullah ibn 'Amr, was in the habit of praying all night and fasting all day, he told him to moderate his devotions, pointing out that “your eye has a right over you, your guests have a right over you, and you wife has a right over you' (Bukhari)

Before starting intercourse, it is a Sunnah to make the following supplication, "In the name of Allah. O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep Shaytan away from (the offspring) that which You grant us." (Bukhari)

Allah (swt) says in the Quran:

You [believers] are permitted to lie and enjoy your wives during the nights of Ramadhan: they are like garments to you, as you are to them….……Do not lie with them during the nights of your ‘itikaaf in the mosques: these are the bounds set by God, so do not go near them (during ‘itikaf in the mosques. (Surah Al-Baqarah v187)

 

Wedding night

Men & women think they have to loose their virginity on the wedding night; men need to be more considerate of women's feelings and take things slowly, some scholars advised waiting at least a week, and letting things build up to it.

Foreplay

"None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; let there first be a messenger between you." The sahaba then asked "And what is that oh messenger of Allah?" and he replied: "Kisses and loving words" (i.e. foreplay) (Daylami)

Satisfaction of a woman

"Three things are counted inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his full name. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him." (Daylami)

Menstruation

It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is menstruating

The Prophet (SAW) has even said, "Whoever has intercourse [with his wife] during her menses, or commits sodomy with her, or comes to a diviner, then he disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad." (Tirmidhi)

“And they ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a discomfort; therefore keep aloof from women during the menstrual discharge and do not approach them until they are clean; then when they have done ghusl, go in to them as Allah has commanded you; surely Allah loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves” (Surah Al- Baqarah v222).

Narrated in Sahih Muslim, the Prophet (SAW) commented about the meaning of keeping aloof in the above verse by saying: “Do everything except intercourse”. (Sahih Muslim)

'A'isha (ra) said: “When anyone amongst us, (the wives of the Holy Prophet) menstruated, the Messenger of Allah (S) asked us to cover only our private parts with cloth around the waist and then approached us”. (Sahih Muslim)

 

Reward

Narrated in Muslim, the Prophet (SAW) said: "In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "0 Messenger of God! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he really be given a reward for that?"  The prophet (s) replied, "Don’t you think that were one to act upon this desire unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he fulfils this desire lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim)

Having intercourse on the night before Friday is desirable as the Prophet (SAW) said, "Whoever makes ghusl on Friday to clean himself from janabah (i.e. after having intercourse), then left for salah, it is as if he offered a whole camel in sacrifice." (Bukhari)

Narrated in Muslim, the Prophet (SAW) said, "If one of you has intercourse with your wife and then wants to come to her again, it is better for you to do wudhu first, for it revives you with more vigor to go again." (Muslim)

Marriage as a solution

Allah says in the Qur’an: "And among His signs is that He created for you from amongst you, companions, with whom you dwell in peace and tranquility; He laid love and compassion between you." (Surah Luqman v21)

The prophet (s) said that "Those of you who can afford it, should marry, otherwise you should keep fasting, for it curbs the desires" (Ibn Massoud)

Despite openness, not allowed to publicise what goes on in the bedroom

The Prophet (SAW) said, "Among those who will be in the worst position in Allah's sight on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then he spreads what was private to her." (Muslim)

"Do not divulge secrets of your sex with your wife to another person, nor describe her physical feature to anyone".

In Conclusion:

Maintaining healthy intimacies, and keeping your husband or wife satisfied in bed is ibadah and sadaqah, not just material acts but spiritual acts. In Islam, there is no distinction between deen and dunya i.e. the material and spiritual actions, when the actions are halal. Islam does not suppress the natural desires and instincts nor sweep them under the carpet, but allows for them to be satisfied, via methods set out in the Shariah (law) of Allah (SWT), and encourages us to seek knowledge regarding these matters.

It is narrated in Bukhari and Muslim, that the Prophet (SAW) said, “Blessed are the women of the Ansar (citizens of Madinah), shyness did not stand in their way for seeking knowledge about their religion” (Bukhari & Muslim)