KEEPING FAMILY TIES ('Silatt-ur-Rahhm')
Defining 'Silatt-ur-Rahhm'
The exact meaning of the word rahhm is "womb". So Sillatt-ur-Rahhm means ties of the womb. It is derived from the root raheem which means ‘to have mercy upon’. Two of Allah's names - Ar-Rahmaan and Ar-Raheem - are derived from the same root.
The word is figuratively used to refer to relatives. In his famous classical tafseer (legal commentary on the Quran), Al-Qurtubi (the Cordoban) states that:
"The family ties which must be maintained are general and specific. 1) The general one is the relations that Islam obligates anyway to all people. It is fard (mandatory) to maintain friendly connections with them, advice, justice, fairness and fulfilling ones obligations to them in the fard or legally binding and in the mandoubaat or commendable. 2) The specific obligations to family include financially supporting family members, checking on their condition and overlooking their mistakes."
There is a warning on how close you get to your brother or sister in-law, as the prophet (saw) said that "The Brother-in-law is death (for his sister in law)." (Bukhari). However the general requirement of keeping ties with relatives applies to all relatives, Muslim and non-Muslim, criminal or innocent, blood relatives and your 'in-laws', and non-Mahrams so long as it is in a halal context with Mahrams present. This applies to a man keeping relations with his wife's family equally as much as the other way around.
The Prophet Mohammad (saw) said,
"Allah created the creation, and when finished, Allah said to the womb (referring to family ties): “ ..won't you be pleased that I will keep good relations with the one who will keep good relations with you, and I will sever relationships with the one who will sever relations with you. (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
“Whoever desires that Allah make him richer and extend his life, let him maintain his family ties” (Bukhari).
“Whoever severs [family ties] shall not enter the Garden of paradise” (Bukhari and Muslim).
“Whoever believes in Allah and the last day, let him keep up family ties" [Bukhari]
“There are no sins more deserving of having Allah's punishment meted out to its perpetrator in advance in this world, along with what He stores up for him in the next world, than oppression (from those in authority or governemts) and severing ties of family.” [Tirmidhi].
“Sadaqah given to a poor person is an ordinary sadaqah, but sadaqah given to a relative serves two purposes: one as a sadaqah and secondly, an act of upholding family kinship.” (Tirmidhi)
Even if they don’t want to keep ties with you
The prophet (saw) said:
“The one who keeps family ties good when family members are co-operative and returns the same affection he gets, cannot really be described as one who keeps family ties. Rather the one who can truly be termed a person who keeps up family ties is the one who upholds and maintains relationships when the other family members have severed ties with him.” (Bukhari)
Abu Hurayra said, 'A man came to the Prophet (saw), and said, 'Messenger of Allah! I have relatives that I maintain ties with, but they cut me off. I am good to them, but they are bad to me. They behave foolishly towards me while I am patient towards them.'
The Prophet (saw) responded, 'If things are as you say they are, it is as if you were putting hot ash on them, and you will not lack support against them from Allah as long as you continue to do that (i.e be good to them).'"
Common Causes
Taking sides in private disputes between husband & wife
Suspicion, Gossip, & Backbiting
Business
Property
Land
i.e. not writing everything down in contracts, or not following Shari’ah regulations on inheritance, backbiting, suspicion & tale-telling. We must put everything down in writing, record everything, as mentioned by Allah(swt) in the Qura'an, even with our relatives we must put all loans, agreements etc in writing to prevent any confusion and ambiguiy that can be exploited. It is better to have fights over a contract and get it absolutely clear, than have bigger fights later which are potentially much more detrimental.
What if parents are ordering the cutting of ties with other relatives, or are asking a son or daughter to not claim their full rightful share of inheritance?
Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, "There is no obedience to creation, in disobedience to the Creator. Obedience is only in what is good." (narrated in Bukhari and Muslim)
The Story of Abu Hurayrah
A young man went to attend the weekly hadith lecture of Abu Huraira, (ra) but the routine opening announcement stopped him.
“If anyone sitting here has severed any ties of kinship (qata-ur-rahim), he should leave.”
He recalled that an aunt lived in the town with whom he was not been on speaking terms. He went straight to his aunt’s home. He asked for forgiveness for his past behaviour. When the aunt asked the reason for this change of heart, he narrated the entire incident. She accepted the apology but asked him to inquire from Abu Huraira, (ra), the reason for this unusual announcement. Why did he leave all the other major sins and focus only on this? What was so special about ties of kinship?
Abu Huraira replied that he had heard from the Prophet (saw) that
“deeds are presented to Allah every Thursday night and anyone who has severed family ties has all his good deeds rejected.”
Abu Hurayrah did not want any such person sitting in his gathering, which was held on the same night, for fear that it could deprive the entire gathering of blessings.
This is also in accordance with the saying of our prophet Muhammad that:
“Allah’s mercy will not descend on a group of people if there is one among them who severs family ties.”
[Bayhaqi]
The Story of Abu bakr (ra) and Mistah
Among the many people who benefited from Abu Bakr’s (ra) generosity was a relative named Mistah. Mistah got involved in spreading rumours about Aisha,(ra) (Abu Bakrs daughter and the wife of our prophet (saw)) which was started by the leader of the Munafiqeen. It was a whole month of emotional torture for all involved, after which verses of Surat-an-Noor were revealed proving her innocence and prescribing punishment for those involved in the false accusation. Feeling hurt and betrayed, Abu Bakr (ra), vowed never to help Mistah again. But then the verses of the Qur’an commanded him to continue helping his relative, despite his crime, which Abu-Bakr did. Keep in mind this man slandered his daughter's honour.
Methods to Increase Love
“Exchange gifts with one another, for with this will create love and goodwill amongst yourselves.” (Abu Ya'laa)
“He who makes peace between the people by inventing good information or saying good things, is not a liar.” (Bukhari)