Questions
How is motherhood perceived today?
How do mothers perceive their own role today?
Is motherhood is an obstacle, a career destroyer, sacrifice of a 'real' life of freedom?
Why is motherhood considered a poor choice? Feminsim?
What have the effects of undermining motherhood been?
What is the reality on the ground of being a working woman today?
Are you juggling, with lack of support, feeling undervalued, and demoralised?
Why do mothers feel they have to continue working even paying for childcare at the same time?
Is it possible for mothers to have a career/job and family, without either suffering?
How have these attitudes and lifestyle specifically affected children, society and relationships with husbands?
What does it mean to be a mother in Islam? What does Islam say about women working?
Research, Studies, and Statistics
- The UK has more than 450,000 children under three in nursery care
- Jenni Russell on 28/1/2006 in The Guardian newspaper said, two-thirds of mothers go back to jobs within 10 months of giving birth, while the working week of British fathers is almost 10% longer than the European average.
- The Sunday Times on 8/1/2006 reported that Christopher Arnold, an education psychologist, told the Division of Educational and Child Psychology’s annual conference that after school clubs to look after children for working parents may result in “very different kinds of adults from those we might have expected”, growing up “emotionally unhealthy” as a result of institutionalised childcare. Arnold also said that previous research had shown that children raised in institutions had more emotional difficulties than those brought up in families.
The same Sunday Times article said that a report was published September 2005 which measured levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, in young children. It concluded that toddlers starting at nursery after being at home since birth experienced high levels of stress in the first weeks after separating from their mothers and were still showing “chronic mild stress” five months afterwards.
It went on to talk about a series of studies in America and Britain which have concluded that high levels of group-based care can have damaging effects on some aspects of emotional and psychological development for children under two.
It also talked of a related study showing that children at nursery have consistently high levels of cortisol. These children remain “unusually aroused or stressed”. When extra-comfort from parents is not given in the evening, says the paper, the children start the following day “hyper-aroused”, which can lead to behaviour problems and/or disobedience. At which stage some children get diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and given class B drugs such as Ritalin to “calm them down”.
- On October 2, 2005 the Guardian reported that 'The Families, Children and Childcare '(FCCC) Study, led by DR Penelope Leach, a leading British childcare expert, and president of the National Childminding Association, one of the longest and most detailed studies of UK childcare, has concluded that young children who are looked after by their mothers do significantly better in developmental tests than those cared for in nurseries, by childminders or relatives. It found babies and toddlers fared worst when they were given group nursery care. According to Leach, the social and emotional development of children cared for by someone other than their mother 'is definitely less good'.
- In June 2005, the Institute for Social and Economic Research reported that being married to a housewife - as opposed to a working wife - makes all the difference to a man's success at work. Married men earn more than single men, but only if their wife stays at home - homemaking. Mark Taylor, one of the authors said "Men whose wives contribute to the domestic chores - rather than going out to work - are able to spend more time developing the skills and contacts that increase their labour market productivity."
- Another study by sociologists Vincent Duindam and Ed Spruijt of Utrecht University in The Netherlands, confirms that the more hours the mother works, the worse the father's physical and mental health. Intriguingly, the study showed that women working had more negative effects on the health of more caring loving fathers than average fathers.
- In the May 2005 a survey commissioned by Mother & Baby magazine and Pampers, said mothers with new babies are getting 30% less sleep than their own mothers did in the 1960s and 1970s. Mothers who returned to full-time work felt particularly stressed, with 77% saying lack of sleep affected their working ability, rising to 89% in the south of England. More than two-thirds missed their baby while at work and 46% would prefer to be at home as a full-time mum. Working fathers also felt the strain. Two-thirds felt their work was affected by lack of sleep. Yet, according to the mothers, only 19% of the fathers got up every night to help with the baby and 46% never got up.
- A New Woman survey in March 2005 said that Almost 70% of young women are unhappy with their lot in life. Disillusioned with their mothers agonisingly juggling work and home life in the 80’s, when it came to home life, most of the women, with an average age of 29, wanted a traditional domestic set-up. Six out of 10 said female "do-it-all role models" were unhelpful and irritating, and most also believed a man should be the main provider for his family if possible.
THE HONOUR OF BEING A FULL TIME MUM
A man once came to the Prophet Muhammad and asked him "Oh Messenger of God, who amongst the people is the most deserving of my good company & respect?" The Prophet replied "Your mother." asked who came next and the Prophet said again "Your mother." The man yet again asked who came after, and the Prophet yet again replied, "Your mother." . The man asked "Then who else?" Then the Prophet said "Your father."
In a famouse statement the prophet Muhammad may he rest in peace, said "Paradise is at the feet of your Mother"
And he said "Homemaking raises the station of a woman to the level of those who make Jihad" (Kanz)
And, "When I stand for prayer, I intend to pray a long prayer, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to trouble the child's mother." (reported by Bukhari)
HUSBANDS HELP!
The prophet (s) said "Helping wives (in their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of sadaqah" (Kanz)
Al-Aswad (ra) asked A'isha (RA) the wife of the Prophet, "What did the Prophet (s) do at home? "
She said, "He used to the housework for his family except when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out (to pray)." (Sahih al-Bukhari)
The prophet (s) said "Beware! I advise you to treat your women honourably, for these (honourable) women stay in (and are keeping) your homes. Other than this, you cannot demand anything from them except if they commit a manifest sin…” (Sunan Tirmidhi, no: 3087)
A’isha (ra) said that: "A man does not become the head of the household until he gives up the concern (out of consideration for wife & children) about what he wears and what food he eats to satisfy his hunger. (Kanz)"
Islam does not stop women working – Khadija (ra) the Prophet's first wife was a businesswoman who hired the Prophet befre their marriage to work as an agent for her trade. In Islamic history we have many examples of female judges, scholars, soldiers to defend from invasion, and during Umar’s (ra) Khilafah a woman was head of enforcing the laws on Business and Commerce in Medinah. However in no way should this be at the cost of raising children, or compromising the role of a mother.
For further research on the isues today see: http://www.fulltimemothers.org